I can't seem to relax and I am afraid to loose my relationship.

by Henk, Mr Restless

Why can't I relax? First, I want to be clear that I have a good life. I have a pretty wife, a good job that pays the bills, a house, etc. Everything is good. But for a while I've been having a hard time relaxing. I noticed that this got bad when I went on vacation with my wife about two months ago. I saved money from work and we went to Mexico to an all-inclusive resort. But most of the vacation I felt tense and uptight for no apparent reason! Also, a lot of people around me tell me to chill out and enjoy my life. They just don't get it. No matter how hard I try, I can't relax. I think I have been this way for a long time. Nothing is new; I just have a lot of stress. We don't have kids. I'm writing because my wife is getting worried about me now and thinks I need help or else... Sometimes when I'm stressed, I don't want to do things together. Why can't I relax even when things are good? —Restless

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Nov 08, 2015
Thanks! I did the 6-week meditation course...
by: Henk

Thanks very much for your guidance and direction. They sounded true for me so I took action and gave your 6-week meditation course a shot. Well, this course blew me away. Not only have I found the root of my restlessness, in 6 weeks I feel alive, energized, I have more to give to my wife and....yes I can relax. It is all quite mind blowing really, as I did not consider myself the meditating type. But this is great what you are doing. Keep up the good work!

PS. my wife is so curious she is signing up to the course as well!

Oct 14, 2015
by: Anonymous

The clarity in your post is simply spectacular and i can assume you are an expert on this subject.

May 15, 2013
There is nothing wrong with you!
by: Anonymous

Dear Henk, Mr Restless...

Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. First I want to let you know that what you are feeling is very normal. There is nothing wrong with you. Actually more the opposite, everything is right with you.

As a human species we grow. Evolution means we grow. So there is always this feeling inside of wanting more, wanting to go further, higher, deeper. 'The more' is for a feeling of fulfillment and peace.

The problem starts when we think 'the more' is found on the outside. Often people will keep trying to change things on the outside to find that feeling of fulfillment and peace. But one day everyone comes to realize that it is not on the outside. The grass is not greener on the other side; or...if only I had...

When we are in a relationship, we start to project this feeling of wanting more, something is missing, on the relationship. Righteously so as we remember times when our partner made us feel on top of the world, fulfilled, full of love, as if there was nothing missing.

The truth is though that your partner will never ever fill that hole that you feel inside of you. This hole, this more that wants to be satisfied gets fulfilled only from your connection to the Source and nothing else. The more you give your attention, your reliance, your love and devotion to this connection inside, the more you will be filled and will feel at peace. The more love you have inside, the more love you can share with your partner and pretty soon you will have everything you have always hoped for with your partner.

Just to be clear, I am not saying: "Do not want more with your partner." By all means come together and share with each other what needs are not being met or what you want more of in the relationship. There is always further to go in finding more intimacy and connection with each other.

All I am saying is: the ultimate feeling of happiness that is lasting is coming from within.

The feeling of restlessness that you are feeling, and not being able to relax, even when things are so great on the outside, in this light make perfect sense.

The direction to look into is to explore your inner worlds. Meditation is a great way to do that but you can also start with simply asking yourself some questions like:

1. What does the Source mean to me?
2. Is there a God? What is my relationship with God?
3. What feeling is missing from my life?
4. If I were to die in 10 days, what would be my regrets? Have I done everything I wanted to do in this life time?

These are some great questions to set sail towards the inner self and peace within.

I wish you good luck and hope this perspective helps.

Smooth sailing to calming waters I wish for you.


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