Relationships Values

Knowing what your values are will enhance your life and partnerships greatly!

Posted by: Rose Tol, R&I Life Coaching, August 8, 2013 Relationships Values

It is important for you to know what your values are and those of your partner and then, what your most important values are for the marriage or partnership. When you know what you value most, you can look at your actions and behaviors and see if you are truly living up to what is most important to you. For most people, what they value most, gets lost along the way due to hurt, disappointment and ego desires.

Are you truly living up to what is most important to you?

Knowing what you value and what your partner values most  helps you to stay on track and not get lost in the issues. The suffering as a result of relationships problems is happening because of the focus on issues and the inability to focus on what is important and at the heart of the matter.

It is important that you value yourself and who you are and what you stand for.

If you and your spouse have clarity on what your most important values and goals are then you can discover if there is alignment in your marriage. Alignment is crucial to have if your partnership is to be lasting and sustaining. A marriage where each others values and goals are lined up has a way higher chance to succeed.

A spouse that ignores their values and fails to communicate what they want or tries to fit in with their spouse to 'make it work', come from a place of fear of having the relationship not work; when essentially, the relationship may not be “right” in the first place. When you put off sharing your values you will be in danger of your needs not being met and that can lead to hurtful outcomes.

Sharing what you value and what you want from life is giving your spouse the gift of understanding where they can meet you. Having all the wants and needs in the open  is an important platform where you will be less likely to fall into the trap of "trying to change" each other.

I have personally experienced when a part of the alignment of values and goals is a giving to the higher good, contributing to something greater than the relationship itself, this will have a 75% higher rate of succeeding than when the values are all focused on oneself/itself.

Creating value is the secret to success!

As your own awareness and appreciation grows for yourself and others you will begin to see that creating value is the fastest path to greater happiness. Relationships are an investment. If you want better relationships, then look for ways to add value to the partnerships you currently have. 

What you put in is what you receive, it is that simple. Nurture your relationships with giving of your appreciation, your time, your affection and your attention. If some of these truly are your values in life then they will abundantly show up in your relationships. People that are in a healthy relationship are in touch with their values and hold them close to their heart.

Discover your 3 most important Values

Find out what your 3 most important values are for you now and contemplate if your life and the way you are in your relationships is lined up with those.

  1. Scan through the list of values that are listed at the bottom of the page.
  2. Look for the values that jump out to you “yes, that is me! Yes, this is most important to me!” then write down these values on a piece of paper. Once you have the most important ones written down you can rate them on a scale from 1 – 10 , 1 being the least important to 10 being the most important.
  3. Then from your top values, choose the 3 values that are most important to you and for your relationships.

You want to be so very open with this exploration as what you think your values are may not be the ones you discover to be on the top of your list. If you have difficulty nailing down your 3 most important values the article on healthy relationships can give you some inspiration.


Some questions for you to reflect:

  1. What are each of your values, goals. What do you want from life. The more specific you can get the better. Write it down, work it. This is  important so take the time now and ongoingly revisit and see where you are at.
  2. Are you living your values in your life?
  3. Share your findings with your partner. Is there alignment of your lists of values and goals with your partner?
  4. How can you support each other with each others values and goals?
  5. Decide together with your partner what your 3 most important values are for the relationship. What are your goals together? What as a couple do you want to achieve?

The List of Values

Abundance, Acceptance, Accessibility, Accomplishment, Accountability, Accuracy, Achievement, Acknowledgement, Activeness, Adaptability, Adoration, Advancement, Adventure, Affection, Affluence, Aggressiveness, Agility, Alertness, Amazement, Ambition, Amusement, Anticipation, Appreciation, Approachability, Approval, Art, Articulacy, Artistry, Assertiveness, Assurance, Attentiveness, Attractiveness, Availability, Awareness, Awe

Balance, Beauty, Being the best, Belonging, Benevolence, Bliss, Boldness, Bravery, Brilliance, Buoyancy,

Calmness, Camaraderie, Capability, Care, Carefulness, Celebrity, Certainty, Challenge, Change, Charity, Charm, Chastity, Cheerfulness, Clarity, Cleanliness, Clear-mindedness, Cleverness, Closeness, Comfort, Commitment, Community, Compassion, Competence, Competition, Completion, Composure, Concentration, Confidence, Conformity, Congruency, Connection, Consciousness, Conservation, Consistency, Contentment, Continuity, Contribution, Control, Conviction, Coolness, Cooperation, Cordiality, Correctness, Country, Courage, Courtesy, Craftiness, Creativity, Credibility, Cunning, Curiosity

Daring, Decisiveness, Decorum, Deference, Delight, Dependability, Depth, Desire, Determination, Devotion, Devoutness ,Dignity, Diligence, Direction, Directness, Discipline, Discovery, Discretion, Diversity, Dominance, Dreaming, Drive, Duty

Eagerness, Ease, Economy, Ecstasy, Education, Effectiveness, Efficiency, Elation, Elegance, Empathy, Encouragement, Endurance, Energy, Enjoyment, Entertainment, Enthusiasm, Environmentalism, Ethics, Euphoria, Excellence, Excitement, Exhilaration, Expectancy, Expediency, Experience, Expertise, Exploration, Expressiveness, Extravagance, Extroversion, Exuberance

Fairness, Faith, Fame, Family, Fascination, Fashion, Fearlessness, Ferocity, Fidelity, Fierceness, Financial independence, Firmness, Fitness, Flexibility, Flow, Fluency, Focus, Fortitude, Frankness, Freedom, Friendliness, Friendship, Frugality,

Fun, Gallantry, Generosity, Gentility, Giving, Grace, Gratitude, Gregariousness, Growth, Guidance,

Happiness, Harmony, Health, Heart, Helpfulness, Heroism, Holiness, Honesty, Honor, Hopefulness, Hospitality, Humility, Humor, Hygiene

Imagination, Impact, Impartiality, Independence, Individuality, Industry, Influence, Ingenuity, Inquisitiveness, Insightfulness, Inspiration, Integrity, Intellect, Intelligence, Intensity, Intimacy, Intrepidness, Introspection, Introversion, Intuition, Intuitiveness, Inventiveness, Investing, Involvement

Joy, Judiciousness, Justice, Keenness, Kindness, Knowledge

Leadership, Learning, Liberation, Liberty, Lightness, Liveliness, Logic, Longevity, Love, Loyalty

Majesty, Making a difference, Marriage, Mastery, Maturity, Meaning, Mellowness, Meticulousness, Mindfulness, Modesty, Motivation, Mysteriousness, Nature, Neatness, Nerve, Non-conformity

Obedience, Open-mindedness, Openness, Optimism, Order, Organization, Originality, Outdoors, Outlandishness, Outrageousness

Partnership, Patience, Passion, Peace, Perceptiveness, Perfection, Perkiness, Perseverance, Persistence, Persuasiveness, Philanthropy, Piety, Playfulness, Pleasantness, Pleasure, Poise, Polish, Popularity, Potency, Power, Practicality, Pragmatism, Precision, Preparedness, Presence, Pride, Privacy, Pro-activity, Professionalism, Prosperity, Prudence, Punctuality, Purity

Rationality, Realism, Reason, Reasonableness, Recognition, Recreation, , Refinement, Reflection, Relaxation, Reliability, Relief, Religiousness, Reputation, Resilience, Resolution, Resolve, Resourcefulness, Respect, Responsibility, Rest, Restraint, Reverence, Richness, Rigor

Sacredness, Sacrifice, Sagacity, Saintliness, Sanguinity, Satisfaction, Science, Security, Self-control, Selflessness, Self-reliance, Self-respect, Sensitivity, Sensuality, Serenity, Service, Sexiness, Sexuality, Sharing, Shrewdness, Significance, Silence, Silliness, Simplicity, Sincerity, Skillfulness, Solidarity, Solitude, Sophistication, Soundness, Speed, Spirit, Spirituality, Spontaneity, Spunk, Stability, Status, Stealth, Stillness, Strength, Structure, Success, Support, Supremacy, Surprise, , Sympathy, Synergy

Teaching, Teamwork, Temperance, Thankfulness, Thoroughness, Thoughtfulness, Thrift, Tidiness, Timeliness, Traditionalism, Tranquility, Transcendence, Trust, Trustworthiness, Truth

Understanding, Unflappability, Uniqueness, Unity, Usefulness, Utility

Valor, Variety, Victory, Vigor, Virtue, Vision, Vitality, Vivacity, Volunteering

Warm heartedness, Warmth, Watchfulness, Wealth, Willfulness, Willingness, Winning, Wisdom, Wittiness, Wonder, Worthiness

Youthfulness, Zeal.

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