important for you to know what your values are and those of your partner and
then, what your most important values are for the marriage or partnership. When you know
what you value most, you can look at your actions and behaviors and see if you
are truly living up to what is most important to you. For most people, what
they value most, gets lost along the way due to hurt, disappointment and ego desires.
Are you truly living up to what is most important to you?
Knowing what you value and what your partner values most
helps you to stay on track and not get lost in the issues. The suffering as a
result of relationships problems is happening because of the focus on issues and
the inability to focus on what is important and at the heart of the matter.
important that you value yourself and who you are and what you stand for.
you and your spouse have clarity on what your most important values and goals
are then you can discover if there is alignment in your marriage. Alignment is
crucial to have if your partnership is to be lasting and sustaining. A marriage
where each others values and goals are lined up has a way higher chance to
A spouse that ignores their values and fails to communicate what they
want or tries to fit in with their spouse to 'make it work', come from a place
of fear of having the relationship not work; when essentially, the relationship
may not be “right” in the first place. When you put off sharing your values you
will be in danger of your needs not being met and that can lead to hurtful
you value and what you want from life is giving your spouse the gift of
understanding where they can meet you. Having all the wants and needs in the open is an important platform where you will
be less likely to fall into the trap of "trying to change" each
I have personally experienced when a part of
the alignment of values and goals is a giving to the higher good, contributing
to something greater than the relationship itself, this will have a 75% higher
rate of succeeding than when the values are all focused on oneself/itself.
Creating value is the secret to success!
As your own
awareness and appreciation grows for yourself and others you will begin to see that creating value is
the fastest path to greater happiness. Relationships are an investment. If you
want better relationships, then look for ways to add value to the partnerships
you currently have.
What you put in is what you receive, it is that
simple. Nurture your relationships with giving of your appreciation, your time,
your affection and your attention. If some of these truly are your values in
life then they will abundantly show up in your relationships. People that are
in a healthy relationship are in touch with their values and hold them close to
Discover your 3 most important Values
what your 3 most important values are for you now and contemplate if your life and the way you are in your relationships is lined up with those.
- Scan through
the list of values that are listed at the bottom of the page.
- Look for the values that jump out to you
“yes, that is me! Yes, this is most important to me!” then write down these
values on a piece of paper. Once you have the most important ones written down
you can rate them on a scale from 1 – 10 , 1 being the least important to 10
being the most important.
- Then from your top values, choose the 3 values that are most important to you and for your
You want to
be so very open with this exploration as what you think your values are may not
be the ones you discover to be on the top of your list. If you have difficulty nailing down your 3 most important values the article on healthy relationships can give you some inspiration.
questions for you to reflect:
- What are
each of your values, goals. What do you want from life. The more specific you
can get the better. Write it down, work it. This is important so take the time now and ongoingly revisit and see
where you are at.
- Are you living your values in your life?
- Share your findings with your partner. Is there
alignment of your lists of values and goals with your partner?
- How can
you support each other with each others values and goals?
- Decide together with your partner what your 3 most important values are for the relationship. What are your goals together? What as a couple do you want to achieve?
The List of Values
Acceptance, Accessibility, Accomplishment, Accountability, Accuracy,
Achievement, Acknowledgement, Activeness, Adaptability, Adoration, Advancement,
Adventure, Affection, Affluence, Aggressiveness, Agility, Alertness, Amazement,
Ambition, Amusement, Anticipation, Appreciation, Approachability, Approval,
Art, Articulacy, Artistry, Assertiveness, Assurance, Attentiveness,
Attractiveness, Availability, Awareness, Awe
Beauty, Being the best, Belonging, Benevolence, Bliss, Boldness, Bravery,
Camaraderie, Capability, Care, Carefulness, Celebrity, Certainty, Challenge,
Change, Charity, Charm, Chastity, Cheerfulness, Clarity, Cleanliness,
Clear-mindedness, Cleverness, Closeness, Comfort, Commitment, Community,
Compassion, Competence, Competition, Completion, Composure, Concentration,
Confidence, Conformity, Congruency, Connection, Consciousness, Conservation,
Consistency, Contentment, Continuity, Contribution, Control, Conviction,
Coolness, Cooperation, Cordiality, Correctness, Country, Courage, Courtesy,
Craftiness, Creativity, Credibility, Cunning, Curiosity
Decisiveness, Decorum, Deference, Delight, Dependability, Depth, Desire,
Determination, Devotion, Devoutness ,Dignity, Diligence, Direction, Directness,
Discipline, Discovery, Discretion, Diversity, Dominance, Dreaming, Drive, Duty
Ease, Economy, Ecstasy, Education, Effectiveness, Efficiency, Elation,
Elegance, Empathy, Encouragement, Endurance, Energy, Enjoyment, Entertainment,
Enthusiasm, Environmentalism, Ethics, Euphoria, Excellence, Excitement,
Exhilaration, Expectancy, Expediency, Experience, Expertise, Exploration,
Expressiveness, Extravagance, Extroversion, Exuberance
Faith, Fame, Family, Fascination, Fashion, Fearlessness, Ferocity, Fidelity,
Fierceness, Financial independence, Firmness, Fitness, Flexibility, Flow,
Fluency, Focus, Fortitude, Frankness, Freedom, Friendliness, Friendship,
Gallantry, Generosity, Gentility, Giving, Grace, Gratitude, Gregariousness,
Harmony, Health, Heart, Helpfulness, Heroism, Holiness, Honesty, Honor,
Hopefulness, Hospitality, Humility, Humor, Hygiene
Impact, Impartiality, Independence, Individuality, Industry, Influence,
Ingenuity, Inquisitiveness, Insightfulness, Inspiration, Integrity, Intellect,
Intelligence, Intensity, Intimacy, Intrepidness, Introspection, Introversion,
Intuition, Intuitiveness, Inventiveness, Investing, Involvement
Judiciousness, Justice, Keenness, Kindness, Knowledge
Learning, Liberation, Liberty, Lightness, Liveliness, Logic, Longevity, Love,
Making a difference, Marriage, Mastery, Maturity, Meaning, Mellowness,
Meticulousness, Mindfulness, Modesty, Motivation, Mysteriousness, Nature,
Neatness, Nerve, Non-conformity
Open-mindedness, Openness, Optimism, Order, Organization, Originality,
Outdoors, Outlandishness, Outrageousness
Patience, Passion, Peace, Perceptiveness, Perfection, Perkiness, Perseverance,
Persistence, Persuasiveness, Philanthropy, Piety, Playfulness, Pleasantness,
Pleasure, Poise, Polish, Popularity, Potency, Power, Practicality, Pragmatism,
Precision, Preparedness, Presence, Pride, Privacy, Pro-activity,
Professionalism, Prosperity, Prudence, Punctuality, Purity
Realism, Reason, Reasonableness, Recognition, Recreation, , Refinement,
Reflection, Relaxation, Reliability, Relief, Religiousness, Reputation,
Resilience, Resolution, Resolve, Resourcefulness, Respect, Responsibility,
Rest, Restraint, Reverence, Richness, Rigor
Sacrifice, Sagacity, Saintliness, Sanguinity, Satisfaction, Science, Security,
Self-control, Selflessness, Self-reliance, Self-respect, Sensitivity,
Sensuality, Serenity, Service, Sexiness, Sexuality, Sharing, Shrewdness,
Significance, Silence, Silliness, Simplicity, Sincerity, Skillfulness,
Solidarity, Solitude, Sophistication, Soundness, Speed, Spirit, Spirituality,
Spontaneity, Spunk, Stability, Status, Stealth, Stillness, Strength, Structure,
Success, Support, Supremacy, Surprise, , Sympathy, Synergy
Teamwork, Temperance, Thankfulness, Thoroughness, Thoughtfulness, Thrift,
Tidiness, Timeliness, Traditionalism, Tranquility, Transcendence, Trust,
Unflappability, Uniqueness, Unity, Usefulness, Utility
Variety, Victory, Vigor, Virtue, Vision, Vitality, Vivacity, Volunteering
Warmth, Watchfulness, Wealth, Willfulness, Willingness, Winning, Wisdom,
Wittiness, Wonder, Worthiness