A person in a healthy relationship knows the relationship you have with your self reflects how you relate to others and how your relationships are. The relationships you have are a mirror for yourself. Seeing others as mirrors of yourself empowers you to change the person over whom you have control (you), rather than becoming frustrated with your inability to change someone else. Transforming yourself is always the best way to go if you are looking to create a healthy relationship.
An important key to this is taking responsibility for your own feelings. Meaning you do not blame the other for the way you feel. Someone that does not take responsibility for their feelings often makes their partner responsible for their happiness or unhappiness. This can only lead to an unhealthy relationship.
Some people shut themselves off from their emotions all together. They are in their head instead of their heart. Or they are escaping into drugs. When we have emotionally abandoned ourselves it is impossible to have a healthy relationship.
If you desire to create a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to be responsible for your feelings.
As your own awareness and appreciation
grows you will begin to see that creating value is the fastest path to
greater happiness. Relationships are an investment. If you want better relationships, then look for ways
to add value to the relationships you currently have. What you put in is what you receive, it is so simple. Nurture
your relationships with giving of your appreciation, your time, your
affection and your attention. If some of these truly are your values in
life then they will abundantly show up in your relationships. People that are in a healthy relationship are in touch with their values and hold them close to their heart.
Know your own needs and know your partners needs as well if not better. Discuss them, explore them together. Whatever you feel you are missing from your relationship, give it. Give the very thing that is lacking and then see what happens. If you are seeking more attention, then become more attentive yourself. If you desire more affection, then you be more affectionate.
Most of the conflicts that arise in relationships are caused by not having one of the 6 basis human needs met. If you know your own needs, what motivates you, what drives you and you know these things about your partner, you can easily steer yourselves through conflict and learn and from from it. Finding out what need did not get met, gives you and your partner insight and understanding and you can both discover how this need can be met in a positive way. A healthy relationship is a partnership where both partners fulfill each others needs in a positive and natural way.
If you approach a situation with right/wrong, winner/looser then you will never increase the chance of finding common ground and it creates separation which equals loss of love. Instead of being right, check in to see how you contributed, even if you feel your part is only 95%....so what...take a step towards the other person, say you are sorry for the conflict and find that common ground where the love can be felt and grow again.
Be present with issues at hand. Beware of dragging past hurts, feelings and resentments into the now. The danger is that a current issue grows out of control and you are not really going to the heart of the matter. Remember you are not your feelings and your issues; you are the person that does not want separation and love is the most important thing.
At the same time you also want to have a vision for your relationship. What do you want your ultimate relationship to look like, feel like and be like? You can have a vision for your relationship while staying present in the here and now.
Relationships are one of the most challenging dynamics that exist in human life. It is important to be open for an outside perspective. It is important to get help and support when you need it. The cost of keeping up appearances can be great.
You can read more in : "How to create Healthy Relationships?
The Relationships Help Program